Sunday, January 29, 2012

Happy Birthday, brother.

I'm not sure if I have written about my brother before. It's hard to sometimes because I'm such an emotional person that every time I would start I would be a blubbering mess.

But today is special. Today he would have been 32 years old.

Words can not describe how much I miss him. I want so badly for Leon & Logan to know him. My brother would have made the absolute best uncle ever. I will make sure that they know of him and about him. I will make sure to tell them about his likes, dislikes, how he would curse like a sailor, his jokes, and what an incredible person he was.

I have said this before but I AM the person I am today because of HIM. Growing up was so much easier with him there with me. He was my best friend. I have never met another person as special as he is.

I loved watching wrestling with him, playing online, watching TV & movies, playing Uno, building Legos, etc...

He was cheated in life.

I know God has a plan for everyone. But I can only ask again & again.

Why him?

Why did HE have to be the one that only got to live 21 years?

I know that I'll never have the answers to those questions and it doesn't do any good to dwell on the past, so to speak. I'm not the "Oh I lost my brother, feel sorry for me" type of girl. I am..

I had the greatest brother in the world and my life is better because of him, type of girl.

And that's how I will honor him. By all the good things he did in his life, not that dumb ass disease that claims the life of so many.

F YOU, Muscular Dystrophy. One day there will be a cure to that piece of shit disease and people won't have to suffer from it.

BUT.. back to my brother.

If you had the pleasure of knowing Steven Ray Douglas, your life has been touched in a very special way. If you never got the chance to meet him, I'm sorry. I'm sorry my husband didn't get to meet him, or my kids, or some of my friends. But they know (and will know) through me how great he was.

My aunt said today, "He was wise beyond his years.." and she's right. He was.

I love you, brother. And miss you with every ounce of my being.

Happy Birthday.


Karissa said...

This made me cry then i cried even more when i seen his picture :(, i miss him so much he was like the big brother i never had even tho he loved playing pranks on me lol. but i always gave in. and he ALWAYS made me laugh no matter how sad or mad i was that day. and I remember how i use to stay up with him all night and watch movies and listen to music on the computer. I have so many good memories with him he was such an amazing person. He would be very proud of who your are today. Even though he's never met Leon and Logan he's still their guardian angel and he's gonna be there thru everything they do in life.

love&miss you
Happy Birthday Steven! <3

Anonymous said...


Sometimes we won't get the answers this side of Heaven, but I know God was there with him. Yes, his time was short but he did serve a very special puropse, he was the best brother for you! He brought you joy, and shared his life with you. I don't doubt you were his best friend too from what you've said about your relationship. If nothing else, he was your gift for a short while and left you with fond memories for the rest of your days. A part of him lives on in your parents and you and now through your sons too! You've been blessed dear girl. x0
~ Sherrie

Anonymous said...

Aww Well put Cheryl! Happy Birthday Steven! And just remember that God does not give us anything that we cannot make it through. Many other people would not have acted as he did while he was alive. He was an example of living in the moment, he didn't let anything get him down. Like u said, u are how u are because of him! Just alwasy remember that! Love ya! --Kristi