Happy Birthday, brother.

I'm not sure if I have written about my brother before. It's hard to sometimes because I'm such an emotional person that every time I would start I would be a blubbering mess.

But today is special. Today he would have been 32 years old.

Words can not describe how much I miss him. I want so badly for Leon & Logan to know him. My brother would have made the absolute best uncle ever. I will make sure that they know of him and about him. I will make sure to tell them about his likes, dislikes, how he would curse like a sailor, his jokes, and what an incredible person he was.

I have said this before but I AM the person I am today because of HIM. Growing up was so much easier with him there with me. He was my best friend. I have never met another person as special as he is.

I loved watching wrestling with him, playing online, watching TV & movies, playing Uno, building Legos, etc...

He was cheated in life.

I know God has a plan for everyone. But I can only ask again & again.

Why him?

Why did HE have to be the one that only got to live 21 years?

I know that I'll never have the answers to those questions and it doesn't do any good to dwell on the past, so to speak. I'm not the "Oh I lost my brother, feel sorry for me" type of girl. I am..

I had the greatest brother in the world and my life is better because of him, type of girl.

And that's how I will honor him. By all the good things he did in his life, not that dumb ass disease that claims the life of so many.

F YOU, Muscular Dystrophy. One day there will be a cure to that piece of shit disease and people won't have to suffer from it.

BUT.. back to my brother.

If you had the pleasure of knowing Steven Ray Douglas, your life has been touched in a very special way. If you never got the chance to meet him, I'm sorry. I'm sorry my husband didn't get to meet him, or my kids, or some of my friends. But they know (and will know) through me how great he was.

My aunt said today, "He was wise beyond his years.." and she's right. He was.

I love you, brother. And miss you with every ounce of my being.

Happy Birthday.

Amazed

My boys never to cease to amaze me. Like, ever. I mean they do some cute stuff! Like today? They both went to Logans crib and basically demanded I put them both in there. They just loved being together. When they were babies though? FORGET IT. I could never put them in the same crib.

 This is today.

This is when they were a few weeks old. Logan says, "Get out of here brother!"

Every day they do something new that just makes my heart melt. I find myself asking, "How the hell did I get so blessed?!" They love eachother so much. I love that they will always have a best friend, no matter what.

Okay now that I'm done with the mushy mush.

I was on a hunt today. I was determined to get the boys new shoes. The last time I wanted to buy them shoes I was on a hunt for like 3 weeks before I found the shoes. I'm not picky, I just wanted something specific. Eventually I found them.

This time though? I wasnted to go to ONE STORE. Simple enough. I had $30 in Kohls cash and I knew that I could get one, possibly two, pairs of shoes with that. I'm not into name brand shoes, I could care less. Going in I didn't have a specific shoe in mind, just something I could use my Kohls cash on!

My only requirement for their shoes is I don't want laces. Why you ask? Because I have double the shoes to put on and lace up. Their last shoes were the bungy cord type and were perfect. Well anyways, I looked at the 5.5 pairs of boys shoes they actually had (that's another thing.. WHY do girls haves 8 million choices and boys none?!) I didn't like ANY of them but one. And this one shoe? Was $45 and they only had one size 5.

FML.

I'm not leaving without shoes. So, as I start browsing again, I see them. Two pairs of 5's. I don't even know what they look like at this point, I just saw the boxes. And I also saw that they were $30. So really, with my Kohls cash I would only spend $30. Score. Then my mom says.. "I'll buy a pair!".. Double score.

I didn't spend a penny.

BUT..

They were laces.

Oh well. Ya win some, ya lose some.

Tag, you're it!

The Rules:

1. You must post the rules.
2. Post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
4. Tag your fave blogs!
5. Let them know you've tagged them.

11 facts about me:

1. I probably hate cooking more then my husband hates eating my cooking.

2. I always dance in my kitchen no matter what I'm doing.. cooking, cleaning, feeding the boys, dishes, etc..

3. I'm still mildly obsessed with New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys.

4. I have 4 tattoos.

5. I google everything. (Matter of fact, ask me anything about the Wiggles and I'll know it.)

6. My dad and myself are the only people I trust while driving. If it's anyone else (even the hubs) I have my foot on the imaginery brake and my hand on the oh-shit bar.

7. If I see annny type of bug, I will pee myself pretty much. Hate them.

8. I can't stand wearing socks. Or shoes. I like being barefoot or have on flip flops.

9. I really wanna learn sign language.

10. I'm in love with the TV show Friends. I watch it every single day before bed.

11. I have the cutest little boys ever.

Now, my questions from Jenn!

1. What is your favorite time of the day? About 15-20 minutes after I finally wake up. The boys are in a good mood! Their best mood of the day.


2. If you could have anything at all, money not being an issue, what would it be? My dream house.

3. What is your favorite kind of food? (i.e. Mexican, Italian...) Italian.. carbs are my downfall!!

4. What do you love most about yourself? That I was able to carry and safely deliever 2 of the most beautiful little boys in the world.

5. What is your guilty pleasure?.. hmm.. chick flicks! lol

6. Would you rather have the superpower of invisibility, or being able to fly? Invisibility!

7. What is your biggest fear? Losing someone I love.
8. Any strange addictions? Nope, not really.

9. What is your favorite meal to make? Chicken Tacos.

10. Why do you love blogging? I love documenting and getting things off my chest!

11. How many children do you have/want? I have 2. I don't know if we want anymore yet.

My 11 questions for you:

1. What's your hidden talent?

2. Any guilty pleasures?

3. Reality TV; yes or no?

4. Favorite book?

5. Least favorite chore?

6. You can pick only one: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or your blog?

7. Favorite tradition?

8. Dream vacation?

9. If you can live in any state (money was not an option), which would you choose?

10. You can have dinner with any one celebrity, dead or alive, who is it?

11. How many kids do you want?

I tag;

Nancy @ Our Journey in Life

Ashley @ Artifically Fertile Mrytle

Jess @ DudeandSweets

Shannon @ Life After I 'Dew'

Kaite @ Loves of Life

Messy Mom Monday

Soo today I am gonna link up today with Jess (One of my favorite bloggers!) for Messy Mom Monday! And I LOVE this idea. I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes at the end of a hectic day (Hello! 2 toddlers!) I feel like a failure because I would rather sit on my ass and read blogs and watch TV rather then clean up the house a little. So, when I see that other moms and I are the same, I let out a sigh of relief. Last night I even read some of these link ups to Leon so he could kinda see where I was coming from. He gets it now. Kinda? I HOPE.

So, I took some pics to show you some of my messy spots. Just keepin' it real. (Side note: this is just a little sneak peek into my mess.. )

 This is by the closet in the twins room. There riding toys, a table & chairs set, toys, books. The box there? It's just collecting toys. It was from Christmas. I know it needs to go in the trash. But? They like it. And the closet back there? God, don't get me started.

 That's twin number 1 getting ready to take the over-flowing toys from the toy box (that's in the living room!) and put them allll over the floor.

 Those sippys are empty. The puzzles pieces are about to be all over the floor.

And this is the dirty laundry from yesterday in the living room still. It's just waiting for me to take it to the laundry room. (Let's not even go there!).. (And, that brown thing? Is my dogs bed. I haven't put it away yet and she died in October.)

So, there ya have it. Go link up with Jess.. Reassure this mama she's not alone!

damn snow.

This winter has been pretty mild to say the least. We haven't really gotten much snow. Hell it's been in the 50's and sunny during some days. I know we are in for it though. It's Michigan! How can we not be in for it? It'll prolly make for a longer winter. Snow in spring. Freezing pipes soon. SOMETHING..

See. Me and snow? We don't get a long very well. Actually. We hate eachother. Yeah, it's pretty. And I don't mind it on Christmas. But let's be real. Christmas is over. And it won't be back for another 11 months. So? GO AWAY, SNOW. I know I'm lucky because you haven't shown your face to much, but today? I got shit to do and I don't like when you but a damper on my plans.

It's not like I don't like driving in snow. Because I don't mind. I mind the other jackasses out there that think they own the damn road and think they are in a tank doing 80mph (okay, tanks don't go that fast I don't think, but still) on the highway when obviously the conditions call for 50. My kids are pretty much always in the car with me and that "baby on board" sign isn't doing any good when the idiots are driving so fast by it, it's just a blur.

Anyways, moral of the story today, folks? I am in a sucky mood because I probably won't be able to do the things I want to do.. because of snow.

You suck, snow.

SO WHAT Wednesday!

I've been wanting to link up with Shannon over at Life after I "Dew" for months now but never got around to doing it! (go to her blog NOW and link up! She's one of my new favorite bloggers!)

So, here we go:

SO WHAT if:

* I secretly was hoping there were no open appointments this morning for my husband to get an Xray on his knee so I could to the gym instead.

* I'm reading Eclipse for the millionth time.. and plan on watching the movie AGAIN when I'm done reading it.

* I saved the dishes last night til this morning so I could relax instead.

* My laundry room looks like 8 thousand laundry baskets threw up.

* I put my kids in new clean pajamas every day instead of getting them dressed.. unless we go somewhere.

* I have a 99% DVR full because I refuse to delete stuff that I say I'm gonna watch. Like the last 55 episodes of One life to live. I'm still bitter they cancelled it. I'll get over it eventually.. maybe.

* One of my newest friends live a million miles away and I've never met her face to face. I will soon.

So what are you saying SO WHAT to today? Link up!

Sup bloggies?

Man I said I was gonna be better at blogging this year but I've failed already. Oh well. I'm here now! My birthday weekend just passed and I had such a good time. I got to spend time with family & friends & my boys. Thats all that matters. :-)

So what have I been up to?? I started the 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels because sista is fierce. However, I fell off the bandwagon and haven't been doing it every day. I also started using My Fitness Pal on my phone (the best app ever) and have been sticking to it every single day. It basically counts your calories for you and keeps track everything you eat. It also tracks your exercise & such. Basically its your best friend. And lastly fitness wise? I joined the gym yesterday. I've been meaning to re-join the gym since the twins were born but never got around to it. BUT now is the time and I will not give up.

The twins are sooo cute & big & loveable & smart & growing & so on. They are learning new things every day it just amazes me.

Like Leon for example. He is learning new words & animals sounds like it's nobodys business. He even does stuff that makes my heart melt. When Logan is cranky and sad, he will gladly give up his binky and give it to his "bruba"..

Logan is a firecracker. He is rough with his brother. He likes to pull Leon down by the collar of his shirt and sit on him. His favorite phrases are "I did it!" and "Where'd it go?"

Both babies love love love puzzles! I'm glad they like them. And I'm also glad they are broadning their horizons when it comes to watching TV. We don't watch Mickey & Yo Gabba Gabba all damn day anymore. Unfortunately, Leon has started a new obsession with.. the wiggles. Enough said.

If you could... please take a minute to pray for Tripp who went to Heaven. And especially for his mom, Courtney. He was the bravest, strongest little boy who had a horrible disease that took his life way to early. It breaks my heart over & over again to read about the things he had to go through.

XOXO

See ya later, 2011!

So, I was having a little trouble this year but my Top 10.. so I thought I would go a different way for my yearly recap. This year was full of ups & downs... for sure. So, here goes.

In January, I celebrated my 26th year of being alive. My family & I also participated in a Muscle Walk at Ford Field for Muscular Dystrophy. It happened to be on my brothers birthday, he would have been 31. The twins turned 7 months old. Logans eczema was out of control. Leon started saying "baba"

February is always a drag because that is the month by brother died. On the 15th it was 10 YEARS on this earth without my big brother. Needless to say, we don't celebrate Valentines Day around here. Also this month? I FINALLY paid off my student loans. Yes, that was momentous.

In March my dad was admitted to the hospital with pancreatitis. He was in there for 12 days. That was extremely rough. I started babyproofing this month because the boys started getting really mobile! I'm pretty sure Logan started crawling this month. Leon was rolling. I started planning the twins FIRST birthday!

April was a blur for me. I was sick for most of the month. I was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. That was the first time I was away from my boys for more then one night. It sucked. The babies also celebrated their first Easter. My mom's 50th birthday was also this month. Logan started crawling.

May was another sucky month- hospital wise. Leon (baby) was admitted to Childrens Hospital for his asthma. This was the month he was actually "diagnosed" with it. It was horrible. However, Leon started crawling. Leon also started blowing kisses & waving bye ye.

June was the best month! Leon & I both took a week of vacation for the boys first birthday week. We went to the zoo. We went to the Hands on Museum. We saw lots of family (most of them met the boys for the first time).. We had the Muscular Dystrophy bowling tournament. AND! We had a kick ass first birthday party for our little guys. All of our family and friends joined us to celebrate Leon & Logans first year of life. Oh and the husband was admitted to the hospital for chest pains.

In July we took the boys swimming for the first time in a big pool. They adored it. They also played in the grass for the first time. Logan started walking! Leon started crawling. We spent a lot of time with family.

In August, we took the boys to Chuck E Cheese. I dyed my hair from blonde to dark brown! My BFF Nancy got married! My husband celebrated the big THREE-OH. And we also celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.

September was one of my saddest months. I lost my babygirl (doggy) Maxi. She was 15 years old. We went to a concert. We stayed at Greektown Casino and stayed the night there to celebrate our anniversary. Leon & Logan started developing the "twin language"..

In October, Leon started walking! (he really started walking in September, kind)  I lost my mojo. Leon & Logan were sick again. (Asthmas issues). My dads birthday. L & L dressed as crayons for Halloween. My cousin Kenny passed away. The boys stayed in a hotel with us.

In November, Logan was admitted to the hospital for breathing issues. That damn asthma. I signed up to start selling Scentsy as a second job. I LOVE IT! My cousin Nicole got married.

December was CHRISTMAS! We had a lot of fun shopping, opening presents, spending time with family. I got promoted with Scentsy. Leon and Logan started communicating with eachother a lot more.

And that? Was my 2011 in a nutshell. I go to be a mom for ONE FULL YEAR. God, I am blessed. I am SO looking forward to 2012. I have so many goals! No resolutions. Just goals. And here are some of them!

* Making sure I have a successful Scentsy business.

* Be the BEST mother I could possibly be.

* Go to Zumba at least once a week with Kelly.

* Get healthy!

* Get financially stable. I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck.

* Move into a new house.

* Get a second car.

* Get another pet.

* Make 2012 the most enjoyable year I can with my boys.

* AND not take anything for granted.

Bring on the new year!!