Monday, July 2, 2012

saying goodbye. never easy.

We had to say goodbye to my aunt this weekend. It was hard. I feel so much sympathy and my heart breaks for her family. I wrote something to say at the funeral but I was such a sobbing mess I knew I couldn't get through it. So, I will post it here and if the family ever reads it then so be it.. If not, thats okay to. I wrote it for her. :-)

Trying to put into words what someone means to you is not easy. In fact it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done in awhile because it makes it more real that Aunt Linnie is gone. I would just like to say a few things about her that I will always remember and cherish forever. Aunt Linnie could ALWAYS be counted on for a laugh.. Even though sometimes it was at her own expense. Whether it be her always running late to something or walking around the house at 2 AM in her party dress. Aunt Linnie never took our laughs personal though- because that was the type of person she was. I got the pleasure of spending most of my summers as a child with her.. In her house of many colors. Teal living room, fuchsia bathroom, you name it. It was comfortable though, she made sure of it. She would tell me where Jeremiah and my brother would hide things from me, like her Ace of Base CD I fell in love with. She never got mad at me when I told her that the crab salad she was making smelled disgusting and looked even worse. And I’ll always love the fact that she called me honey. Aunt Linnie was one of the hardest working women I knew. She always made sure she could put a roof over her kids heads. To Jeremiah & Justin, I’m sorry she’s gone and want you both to know how much she meant to all of us. You can always count on the family to pick you up when you’re feeling down. To her granddaughters, if you ever need anyone to tell you some stories, you can count on me. I’ll tell you what I know. So to Aunt Linnie, go put on your party dress, dance with the angels and know that you will forever be in my heart and I will love you always.

Besides being up north for the service I got to spend time with my family that I don't get to see often. It was nice. I was away from my boys for three days and that was hard but I got through it- and so did they. :-)

I was able to just relax, not worry about what time it was for lunch, I didn't have to cut up 5lbs of fruit a day, clean shitty diapers (though they made up for it when I got home!) wipe runny noses or worry if I was making anyone happy. I just got to be there, be me. I'm very grateful for the break because I think it's what I needed.

Despite being there for sad reasons I left happy.

Back to the grind tomorrow. I've had way to many days off from "the real world".. back to the gym, back to work, back to schedules..

It's the "back to" week.

1 comment:

Nancy said...

to my wifey!!! I love you so much. as I sit here with tears in my eyes my heart aches for you. your pain feels real to me. Your words run deep and I live it!!! I'm so happy you got to get away. I know you needed it. xoxo